The date now is November 16th. The Funeral Pyre and Early Graves played at Telo's Campus House in New Mexico. There were maybe 15 people at the show, but that never stops the train. Consider these people, future victims of what is about to take place. The story I'm about to tell you, really happened, I will not name names, I will not expose one person's identity for the sake of laughter. Just take in the story, the events, and quite possibly the worst/best day that we have ever had. Shall we....
It started merely with being in New Mexico. It's almost like a home away from home for The Funeral Pyre, so as we arrived at the location of the show, we decided to pick up some beer and get the night started in our usual fashion. We hang out, drink, have a dandy ol' time waiting for our great pals in Early Graves. Upon their arrival, beer is in full swing. Load into the show, set up merch, hang out, continue to drink.
During the small show, we realized that the Brock Lesnar vs. Randy Coture fight is on, so immediately after we play we haul ass up to the Campus House and watch the fight. Which was a great fight, too bad Lesnar won, as we were not pulling for him. But there was some retarded motherfucker who was watching with us and giving his UNWANTED OPINION about the fight. Anywho, that guy is an asshole and needs not to be talked about anymore for the duration of this blog.
Our New Mexico friends decide to have a gathering at their house, and like the gentlemen we are, we oblige and head on over to the house after we pick up some more alcohol to ease our pain of life. We arrive at the house where ignorance happened. Now, there is just somethings that happen at "parties" that piss me the FUCK off, well that is when a stupid fucking girl has to be the center of attention while drinking, then this girl drinks way too much and passes out in the middle of the gathering. Other people were in and out of the house and people were having a grand time. Then as the night, what we thought was winding down at about 3 am, just got real. This passed out girl wakes up to a person advising this young girl that passing out on a couch in the middle of the party wasn't such a good idea. That's when we were shown her shoe full of semen. Well, neither The Funeral Pyre nor Early Graves condone this type of action, we didn't really laugh at it, in fact, it was pretty fucking creepy to say the least. After we were presented with the semen shoe, we decided to wake her up and tell her to get to a bed upstairs and sleep in peace. Well peace was the last thing this smart mouth asshole had on her mind. Waking up and giving a piece of her mind to individuals who are MUCH smarter than her, not a good idea girly! Not good at all. So as she gathers her things and calls her EX BOYFRIEND to come pick her up, she decides to say how all of us are "bigots" and that she is a "feminist." To which we replied with, "you're such a feminist that you pass out at a party with a bunch of guys, now you're walking with cum in your shoe. you're definitely not a smart girl." We'll return to her in a minute, because as this was happening, there was also fighting going on between most everyone in the house.
As we're all in a drunken state of mind, yelling and calling each other the worst names ever seems the most appropriate. Well it turned into a fight which lead to an upstairs fight that almost had 2 people falling off of an indoor balcony and breaking through a wall. In fact, it would have been about a 15 foot drunken fall. Intense as shit. Everyone is basically brawling upstairs with each other, but all in good fun. But not really. We are yelling, punching, farting and doing everything that juvenile guy wants to do. After the dust settles, we have another plan...
Back to the girl who was mentioned before, we get her phone number and immediately decide to make this girls life hell. Hell wasn't what she got, this "feminist" willingly invited somebody from our group of people over to her apartment/dorm what have you. Now, does that sound very self respectable? Well it's not girl, you're not fooling anyone! We send over troops to investigate the situation, equipped with a camera and a predator mask. Yes, a predator mask.. As the infiltrate the dorm, our predator mask individual, who was there to take pictures of a girl who was drunk out of her mind and just basically embarrass her and to teach her a lesson! None of this was malicious and rude, we were merely giving a clinic in who not to mess around with. Are we so wrong? Girl, self respect doesn't come from inviting band guys back to your dorm, it doesn't come from reading a book about feminism, believe what ever lie you want. We also know you're christian! After one of our toops made it into the dorm, the others had to split as to not be caught by any type of pig or law enforcement, whatever you want to call them.
At about 5 am the night was called off, we eventually made our way to our sleeping arrangements, laughing at the fact that such idiotic people actually do live. Hypocrites, they walk among us everywhere. They're in our scene! Do not be afraid or let them be your friend, destroy the weak!
In the morning, said person who made it into the dorm returned to the homestead where we exchanged stories of the night and ate veggie breakfast burritos. Not to mention, a peddler who came up to us while we're eating breakfast with a scam that his nephew or whatever's dad had just passed away and they needed money for a funeral. Now, we're not bad guys, but come on! Eating breakfast? Dead guy? Not fucking cool man...
All in all, it was a great night, we had a blast, made some enemies, made some friends. Fought, yelled crude names, and just made everyone feel uneasy.
Oh and the picture above is from the movie No Country For Old Men. Get some.
In time,
The Funeral Pyre
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